A New Economic Plan for North Korea: Kim Yo-Jong Must Open an OnlyFans Account

International sanctions, natural disasters, and the COVID-19 pandemic have hit North Korea and its economy hard. Trade with China, which makes up the vast majority of its foreign trade, has dwindled to a fraction of its former volume thanks to tight coronavirus restrictions, and a series of summer floods in 2020 caused significant infrastructural and financial damage to the already struggling North Korean economy. In fact, on Jan. 5, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un announced to the congress of his Workers’ Party of Korea that his five-year economic plan had failed tremendously, with shortcomings in all sectors.

North Korea’s economic growth will almost certainly be negative for fiscal year 2021; practically non-existent health infrastructure and its isolation from the outside world will mean that if North Korea wants to prevent massive outbreaks of coronavirus, it must stay under lockdown and impose strict restrictions for much longer than other nations. Domestically, there is little the North Korean government can do to squeeze more productivity out of its already struggling population. Internationally, it cannot open up foreign trade without risking more infections as well as its officially hard stance on foreigners and Westerners. If the North Korean government must be able to look to new, novel forms of revenue; they must resort to earning money off the internet.

As many who browse the internet may know, the sister of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yo-Jong, has become something of an internet phenomenon for her perceived attractiveness, or for being, as one Twitter user described it, a “smug imouto dictator”. The internet, especially those subsections dedicated to meme culture, is famed for its exceptional degeneracy and astounding lack of honor. There is no doubt in my mind, or in the mind of any reasonable human, that a Kim Yo-Jong OnlyFans would not only be accepted by the Internet but welcomed and lauded. Barriers which some might argue would prevent this strategy from being a viable form of economic stimulus might include North Korea’s terrible human rights record, which might weigh on the conscious of viewers, as well as the insignificant fact that she is indeed already married to the son of a prominent government official. In the event that this son or his father should protest, the North Korean leadership should not have trouble with removing them. This official, Choe Ryong-hae, and his son, Choe Song, are both expendable and should/can be easily discarded in the name of economic progress. As for concern over human rights, this is insignificant (when has the Internet been known for caring about human rights when it doesn’t affect them?), and some might argue it would even boost her OnlyFans revenue. Many Internet users seem to be attracted not only by her visual appearance but also by fantastical ideas of her tyrannical, cold, and dictatorial style.

In summary, it is imperative that the North Korean government must recognize the role of technology and the Internet in the economics of the future and embrace this role in order to facilitate economic recovery from the socioeconomic impacts of COVID-19. To further this goal, Kim Yo-Jong must open an OnlyFans account for the sake of her country, her people, and the good of all mankind.